something blue, by emily giffin

Yeah, Something Blew alright. (My apologies right now if you read this book and enjoyed it. You probably don’t want to read any further…) Yes, it was so bad I felt compelled to bitch about it.

Granted, it was one of those Shopaholic-type, chick-lit books. You know the ones with the heroines (and I’m using that term loosely here, the main character in Giffin’s book is no “heroine” by any means) that have no worries in life besides whether they can afford to buy those ‘adorable’ zebra print stretch pants on sale for $500, or if they should spend the money on a manicure for their poofy little dog instead. 

Well this particular character, Darcy, was all that, and she was a horrible, horrible b*tch! Relishing the many times she cheated on her fiance, how she could manipulate people with her looks, lying to get her way, always demanding to be the center of attention… I could go on forever about her flaws and how I wonder how Giffin supposed anyone would be able to relate to her in some way… but I’m nice, so I wont. Not now anyway. The book begins with the revelation that Darcy just discovered her best friend had slept with her fiance. One would almost think she was wronged by the way she was acting, until you discover, soon after, that she was sleeping with one of the groomsmen during that time anyway. That pretty much sets the stage for the rest of the book; we get to see Darcy being a hypocrite, throwing tantrums, crying, complaining and for the most part stomping her feet like a child and demanding that someone let her have her way for about a couple hundred pages. Lovely.

The only reason why I continued reading was in hopes that something terrible would happen to her. Each time I turned the page I was secretly hoping that maybe she would get hit by a bus - and then all of a sudden, she changed and was suddenly this warm, selfless, altruistic person practically overnight. That just doesn’t happen people! Not after 30 years of being a completely shallow, self-centered, whiny little spoiled brat, and certainly not within the span of one weekend. What followed was a series of tired cliches that went on until the ending, where it should come as no surprise that everyone lived happily ever after. How convenient. Made me think the author had grown as tired as I had of her own book, and just put it out of it’s misery.

Call me a grouch, call me no fun, call me Miss Angry Cranky-Pants or whatever you like, but I just could not get into this book, even as a ‘light read’ before bed (and picking up a book with more substance). If it wasn’t for the fact that it was a gift from a well-meaning relative, I think would have thrown it in the trash by now.

My Recommendation? If you’re looking for something to read in between soap operas, by all means have a go at it, Something Blue is packed with predictable drama. If, however, you’re like me, and you like your fiction with some semblance of depth or believability… I’d stay clear. I’m sure there are better things you could do with the few hours it takes to read this ‘book’. Like cleaning your toilet, for example. Wish I had done that instead, at least it would have been more engaging.

the fans who waited

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Brilliant book, I couldn’t put it down. I just wish my sister would actually pick up the damn thing and read it already, so that I can have someone to discuss it with (most of my friends that like this series are some seriously slow readers). I would love to go on about it here, about what I liked and didn’t like – to be honest, there were a few things- but still. I don’t want to spoil it for anyone else, but I am happy to say that I finally got some closure on my favourite character in the series – Severus Snape. Hats off to you, Rowling.

In other, related news, I was feeling much better since my last post so I ended up in downtown Toronto with a friend this friday night for some shopping. After having a bite to eat, we decided we should take a look at the much-hyped ‘release party’… or whatever it was called, for the Deathly Hallows would be at the Chapters on Bay Street where they had done this recreation of Diagon Alley we’d heard about on the radio, but there were way too many people there to see anything but the massive crowd. And possibly the top of a double-decker bus, I wasn’t sure. Tons of screaming, bouncing little kids were dressed up in robes and hats, and I felt a little sorry for their poor, haggard-looking parents. Wish I’d taken some pictures of some of the crazier costumes though, there were quite a few of them. Even crazier still, some of the people we spoke to in passing had said they’d  been waiting for over five hours just to get a copy of the book, forget the other festivities. Some had taken the day off work for the release. Wow. I mean, I love Harry and his books too, but not that much…

So I ended up spending the night with my friend, then hanging out with her again the next day too (more shopping was done, my bank account will hate me), so it was on sunday that I stopped at Shoppers on my way home and got my book for free. Yes, free.

Thank you Shoppers Optimum points!

of snow and sci-fi

Sometimes I feel like I have nothing to blog about… which is not entirely true, The Life and Times of Yours Truly can be very exciting indeed. These days though, I’ve been spending a lot of time reading. And going out, watching movies, and being ’social’ and all that fun stuff. I even made some cookies yesterday for the family. All on my own, I might add. (Yay!) Well, I guess I could have written about those things too… The real problem is that I’m a lazy git.

Anyway, back to the reading – I’d decided I was going to amuse myself by rereading books I’d finished ages ago but can’t remember a crap about. Snow Crash by Neal Stephenson was now at the front of my shelf (one might recall I did a bit of bookshelf-cleaning not too long ago), so with that I started. I had bought it for a university communications assignment; Snow Crash is now the only science fiction-type book that I own. And possibly the only one I ever shall own, but we shall see.

It was… interesting… from what I can remember. Think of a futuristic society where everything from sidewalk space to countries are owned by either the mafia or big name corporations, and that people live in the internet, and you have the background for this book covered. Exciting stuff. The main character is referred to as “the Deliverator” (make any Arny/Terminator jokes that you must) when we first meet him, because he’s a pizzaman, and that’s apparently what pizzamen are called in the distant future. But when we find out his actual name it’s, get this, Hiro Protagonist. Uh. Right. Like thats any better.

I’m not the hugest fan of sci-fi stories, but there must have been something about Snow Crash that prompted me to buy it, and write an article about it for school. As I continue to read I can recall a growing affection for Mr. Protagonist too, silly name and all. And it’s not just because he can deliver a pizza in less than 20.5 minutes, which by todays standards (at least where I live) is unimpressive . Or that he’s a “freelance hacker”. I can’t put my finger on why, exactly, but it possibly might have had something to do with the fact that he’s unkempt, silent and aggressive, wears goggles and carries a taser and katanas – while he delivers pizzas I might add. Apparently you not only receive the prestigious title of “Deliverator”, but also expect to put your life on the line while on the job, because if you fail, your mafia pizza boss will threaten to cut off your limbs. Did I mention that he also likes to think of himself as a ninja? This is such a weird book. Maybe that’s why I liked it…

more than meets the eye

I just watched the latest Harry Potter movie. And I Hated it. Hate with a capital “H”.

Okay, perhaps that was a bit harsh, it ‘looked’ good, but I really did not like it. Granted, the fifth book was not as full of adventure and excitement as the ones before it (and after). It was more focused on Harry’s development as a teenage boy, and how he dealt with his peers and other wizarding folk that were trying to stop him from telling the world about Voldemort’s return. That sort of teen-drama is not very exciting; even if Harry is The Boy Who Lived, he has his ‘normal’ moments too. Moments which will consume all but 10% of the movie. 

So the director didn’t have much action to work with, and unfortunately all of the subplots and backstories that were so interesting in the book were either barely glossed over on film or not shown at all. I’d really recommend just reading the book over watching this installment in the Potter movies, it doesn’t do it justice in any way at all.

Now Transformers on the other hand… I saw that movie the week before and it was amazing. Sometimes the humor was a little over the top (the scene where the Autobots are all hiding in the backyard comes to mind), but everything else – the cars, the voice-acting, the epic inter-city robot battles - it was stellar. My only complaint was that they didn’t actually play the Transformers theme at all during the movie. I was really looking forward to a new, jazzified version of that 80’s classic.

In summary: No to Order of the Phoenix on film (yes to the book, however). And a big YES to Transformers. Yes, yes, yes.

hours wasted:

8 and counting…

So, I’m supposed to be cleaning in preparation for a friend’s visit. Thus far I’ve done a load of laundry (darks), made myself two mugs of tea (Chai… yummy), had a shower, played with my cats, took a nap, watched CSI with the Sister, played around on the computer (well, twice, if you count this post), and went to thought about going to the LCBO, maybe. Although I did start to organize one of my bookshelves. “Start” being the key word here, as about an hour after I’d begun I found myself rereading an old copy of Mansfield Park with the rest of the books in piles on the floor all around me. Hm.

As you can see today has been a very productive day. And since I still have a little over two hours before he arrives, no one can say I’m leaving things to the last minute. Though we are definitely ordering in tonight.

PS. Happy Canada Day!